'Cocaine Bear' overdoses on a bloated plot and a lack of fun

Following a buzz-worthy trailer, the horror comedy film “Cocaine Bear” can’t seem to deliver on its promise of nonsensical entertainment, focusing too heavily on its human characters and fulfilling neither horror nor comedy. Photo collage by DANIEL PEARSON, staff photographer

The formula was simple. Bear ingests cocaine. Bear has a reaction to cocaine. Bear goes on a 90-minute, high-octane kill spree so gorehounds like myself can turn off our brains, sit back and indulge in fun, cinematic carnage. With such a clear objective, it’s difficult to comprehend why director Elizabeth Banks pulls her punches and complicates a beautifully simple premise in the latest horror comedy phenomenon “Cocaine Bear.”

“Cocaine Bear” is a retelling of history, harkening back to 1985 when drug smuggler Andrew Throton threw a portion of his 880-pound haul of cocaine out of an airplane because he thought the feds were tailing him — some of which landed in Georgia’s Chattahoochee National Forest. Four months later, The New York Times reported that a 175-pound black bear in the same location was found dead after overdosing on Thorton’s stash. Rumors have circulated, claiming that the bear consumed nearly 35 pounds of cocaine, earning it the nickname Pablo Eskobear. 

But what if Pablo Eskobear didn’t crumble under the weight of all that blow in its system? What if it became irritable and violent? Flash-forward to November 2022 when Universal Studios dropped the first trailer and internet users couldn’t contain their excitement, myself included. And it worked. That trailer got butts in seats as the film opened to an impressive $23 million opening weekend. But much like the stomach of Pablo Eskobear, “Cocaine Bear" is overstuffed, lingering on tedious exposition and lackluster plotlines when all we really want is the bear. 

There’s no shortage of star-power in helping execute this high-concept feature, with help from Keri Russell, Alden Ehrenreich, O’Shea Jackson Jr., Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Isiah Witlock Jr., Margot Martendale and Ray Liotta, whom the film is dedicated to after his untimely passing in May 2022. Nobody is particularly a stand-out or a let-down, but their mediocrity is a burden in itself. Their set-ups drag on as Banks establishes a nurse looking for her daughter, a park ranger dealing with local delinquents, a depressed widower, a fixer, a local detective and a drug kingpin — none of which live up to the promises of such an invigorating trailer.  

I can’t help but wish the film employed the principle of K.I.S.S. — “Keep it simple, stupid!” The film should have done one of two things: either focus on the selling point instead of attempting to contrive sincere emotions out of paper-thin characters or fully explain every character’s motives for being in the woods during this time. Why couldn’t they have all just been campers? 

Recent creature features such as “Crawl” and “Beast,” although serious films, benefit from their focused perspective, sticking with a single storyline and letting the dangerous animals wreak havoc around them. I think the creative team for "Cocaine Bear" missed the mark by not trimming the amount of characters or even shifting the perspective to the bear, who proved to have quite an endearing personality.

Now, does “Cocaine Bear” actually deliver on the fun when we finally get to the action? It’s hit or miss. 

Certain scenes really get the juices flowing and capture the hilarity and grotesque nature of the situation. Moments where the bear chases down an ambulance and snorts cocaine off a severed limb are almost worth the price of admission alone. Other scenes suffer from my biggest pet peeve in horror movies — cutting away from the action during the exciting parts. 

Nothing bothers me more than the camera panning away, leaving us with only blood-curdling screams, then panning back to the aftermath. With a $30 million budget, just show it!

Typically, a calling-card for high-concept, low-budget horror films is the creative kill. Just two months ago, “Violent Night” delivered on some unique deaths during a Home Alone-esque sequence in which burglars are taken out by a child’s gruesome booby-traps. Last month, “M3GAN” found a multitude of ways to lean into its absurdity as the artificial intelligence doll wielded the blade of a paper-slicer and hanged a man from her charging station. The deaths in “Cocaine Bear” feel particularly uninspired and lazy. 

No matter which way you flip it, “Cocaine Bear” doesn’t live up to its potential. As a horror film, the scares are predictable, and there’s a severe lack of tension. As a comedy, the bear is pretty funny as it trips out on coke, but the human characters can’t seem to land a joke and as previously mentioned, they take up most of the screen time.  

There was never a moment in which I intended to analyze the deeper themes or mise en scène of “Cocaine Bear,” because it’s not that type of film. It’s a submit-to-the-madness kind of movie, but even then, expectations can be the killer of joy. I have to give props to the marketing team for their exceptional work putting together one of the most buzz-worthy trailers of the last decade, along with a poster that I hope to hang in my room one day. 

After the commercial success of “Cocaine Bear,” don't be surprised when studios start announcing Meth Gator, Heroin Shark and Crack Snake later this year. While the joy of “Cocaine Bear” is simply conversing with others about its existence and the crowd experience, it’s time for that bear to check into rehab and peacefully hibernate in the B-movie section of a streaming service.