A comprehensive ranking of grocery stores

In light of our ode to Trader Joe’s founder Joe Coulombe, here is my ranking of grocery stores.

Top Tier: Trader Joe’s

This should not be surprising. Trader Joe’s is legendary and I always get ridiculously excited when I get to do a haul. The spinach artichoke dip has saved my life on multiple occasions and I rely on it for sustenance. I also buy my cat litter, my face wash and my vitamins there. Basically my entire being is contingent on Trader Joe’s.

Second Tier: Sprouts

Honestly, I don’t mind Sprouts. It makes me feel a little like I’m at Whole Foods and I lowkey love it. I also really like Sprouts’ health section and tea options. It also has a great bulk candy selection.

Third Tier: Whole Foods

I adore Whole Foods and if I could, I would do all my grocery shopping there. I like that they source from local farmers and prioritize organic produce. I also love that the nearest Whole Foods to me, in Tustin, has a Mendocino Farms located inside. The only reason that Whole Foods is third on my comprehensive list is because of the price – I can’t buy a bag of groceries there for less than $50 and I like to ball on a budget.

Fourth Tier: Mother’s Market

Mother’s Market is really great and since it’s the closest grocery store to where I live, I go there pretty often. I like their rotisserie chicken, their selection of Kettle potato chips and their health section. Again, like Whole Foods, Mother’s Market is lower on the list because of the prices. It’s pretty high up there and I always have to be pretty careful to not overspend.

Fifth Tier: Target

I absolutely love Target with my entire soul and I always go there. It has everything you could ever need and more, plus you can never look ugly there. It’s a win win. Their grocery selection is ok, the produce is not the best, but Target beats Ralphs and Abertsons because of their great selection of freezer items and their heavily stocked section of alcohol. I’m 22, calm down.

Sixth Tier: Ralphs

I typically only go to Ralphs to buy baking supplies and one brand of pinot grigio that I like. I could live without Ralphs, but it comes with its benefits and can supply condiments and supplies that Trader Joe’s doesn’t.

Seventh Tier: Albertsons

Albertsons always smells weird, I don’t care what you say.