Inside The Kumquat, Chapman’s most secretive comedians

Photo Courtesy of Anonymous Kumquat staff

It happens once a month, in the dead of night. The unsuspecting Chapman campus is painted orange, with flyers posted everywhere from Doti Hall to North Morlan to spread the latest in campus news. “Fraternities to Use Sorting Hat in Rush.” “Undeclared Students Set to Host Terrible Rager.” “How to Get to the Sandhu Secret VIP Floor.” It’s Chapman University’s premiere satirical magazine, The Kumquat.

“Sorry, but what do you mean by ‘satirical?’” said Ichabod Branson, co-editor of The Kumquat. “Everything we publish is factual.”

For those unfamiliar with The Kumquat (@chapmankumquat on Instagram), it must be stated that this simply isn’t true. Despite what members of the magazine may insist, there is little to no evidence of a secret Sandhu VIP floor, and the sorting hat is nowhere to be seen (at least not by The Panther’s staff). Despite their blatant lies to the Chapman public, though, there’s an inkling of truth hidden beneath their stories.

“The reason we produce these stories is to call attention to things that we find problems with,” said design and graphics editor Dorothy Yeeble. “Satire is a really important part of the magazine, it’s the foundation. The design team’s portion of it is that we’re the communicators. We’re making sure people can read the stories we produce.”

In the past, The Kumquat has satirized issues ranging from problems with the Chapman Court parking lot, lackluster responses to calls for divestment, increasing tuition, fraternity controversy and so much more each month.

Yet their often blunt and combative approach to commentary can attract hostility from university officials. Last semester, a parody of a Public Safety email warning about an innocuous Palestinian TikTok influencer speaker made the rounds and attracted controversy. Thus, everything published in The Kumquat is entirely anonymous. The only identifying tags are letters in each issue from the editors, affectionately known as Tyrant Editor and Editor Delicious. To protect themselves from the ire of university officials and keep themselves out of trouble, membership is supposed to remain a secret until graduation. To protect this secrecy, names have been changed in this article.

This secrecy runs deep in the roots and traditions of The Kumquat. The Panther got the opportunity to sit in on a recent pitch meeting — held in the dramatically candlelit cellar of an old house in the outer Anaheim area. Writers, editors, graphic designers and a new cartoonist were in attendance, with a handful of “newbies” tossed in. It was the first full meeting of the semester, and the first with the newest wave of selected applicants (applications open at the beginning of each semester, with interested parties encouraged to follow The Kumquat’s Instagram account for updates). The air held an air of tension and mystery, newbies and selected staff from The Panther unclear of what to expect.

The atmosphere quickly became jovial and chaotic. Branson and Rainbow Lockhart (the other co-editor) were straight to the point and remarkably deliberate, but their best efforts to keep things running smoothly were thwarted by the constant echoes of laughter and banter. Raising Cane’s chicken fingers and fries catering certainly left the air abuzz with excitement. The meeting covered upcoming article pitches, with many being Halloween-centric to fit with the October season. The meeting also focused on discussing new cartoons, graphics and merchandise to be unveiled to the public in the coming months.

“Moving forward with merchandising, we still need to come off as authentic,” said Yeeble. “We don’t want people to think this is just a cheap cash-grab. This is not something we’ve done before. This is new. These funds go towards something important.” 

Yeeble said that the editors still have to pay out-of-pocket for each issue printed on orange paper, which can go for $30 to $40 per ream. The design and graphics editor also mentioned a more important initiative near and dear to the hearts of Kumquat members — fundraising.

The Kumquat is a force not just for laughs, but for change. Last year, the magazine hosted a fundraiser for the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA), to help with humanitarian aid in Gaza. 

“We’ve always done a ton of fundraising. We’ve done one for (Black Lives Matter) BLM, we’ve done one for Stop Asian Hate and now Gaza relief,” said Lockhart. “All of the money we have made so far has become donations. We potentially may raise money for ourselves for merchandising purposes, however we try our hardest to raise money that’s not for ourselves.”

The majority of The Kumquat’s focus is on school-centric issues, but Chapman is still a part of the military industrial complex in the same way many private universities are. The Kumquat and its staff seek to remind their readers of this and bring their critiques to the forefront.

“It can be difficult to satirize certain issues, but doing so is a genuine and valid way to spread awareness,” said staff writer Jean Valjean.

And as each issue comes out, posted across campus and social media every month, it seems that people are responding. Friends and followers are given stacks of orange flyers to post across the dorms and main campus and hand out to passersby, and recipients respond with varying degrees of excitement. In any case, The Kumquat elicits a reaction.

“If I had to describe The Kumquat in one word: merrymaking,” said Valjean. “And it’s one of the only orange newspapers to boot. That’s something special.”

Fans of Chapman’s most orange newspaper can expect to see a new issue by the end of the month, as well as new merchandise sales as the year progresses.