Is love actually dead at Chapman?
Illustration by Yana Samoylova, Staff Illustrator
Junior Maddie McMinn doesn’t know what she’s going to tell her family this Thanksgiving.
Last year, she was hounded with questions about who she was dating and when she would bring a boyfriend home for the holidays. She didn’t have an answer for them.
“The issue is they’ve been asking me every year and I still don’t have an answer,” said McMinn.
It also doesn’t help that McMinn’s parents met in college. They were married by 22.
A stellar student, excellent cook, dog lover, active member of her community and great friend, McMinn is objectively girlfriend material. Why doesn’t Chapman think so?
Most people I’ve talked to at Chapman have either a dating horror story, failed situationships or have never had a romantic interaction at college. It seems like every movie, TV show or book emphasizes meet-cutes in coffee shops and proposals post-grad, but all of that seems like a fantasy to the people who are actually living it.
“Is that dead? Was that all a lie? Because that’s what I’m starting to believe,” said McMinn.
I talked to singles, couples and everything in between to figure out the answer to McMinn’s question. Is Chapman University the one place on earth where love is dead? Is it a matter of luck, or is there a secret that only the taken people know?
It seems that there is some romance in the air, and it's definitely wafted over to one lucky couple.
Senior public relations, advertising and entertainment marketing major Kestyn Hudson has been dating her boyfriend, junior communication studies and economics double major Cameron Hughes, for over a year. The two met at a Greek Life philanthropy event, where Hudson was a contestant and Hughes was one of her coaches.
“I didn’t know he liked me. And then he invited me to Vegas, to his frat formal, and that’s where I got a little bit of a crush on him. Then I wrote him a teeny, tiny little love letter and explained my feelings for him,” said Hudson.
Love letters — or better yet, the act of writing handwritten notes in general — aren’t as common as they once were. But these two, being the romantic types, revived the old-school tradition to kickstart their relationship. This romantic gesture catapulted the couple into the more-than-friends territory that Hughes was hoping for.
“I wrote her a letter back, and we kept talking more over the summer, and got really close,” said Hughes. “Then we officially started dating when we got back to Chapman.”
Hughes and Hudson had the rom-com worthy love story that so many college students are looking for. They didn’t quite expect it, but they’re glad they didn’t rule the possibility out.
Both Hughes’ and Hudson’s parents met in college and went on to get married. Hughes said that he knows plenty of Chapman couples that he could see making it out of the college bubble.
Sophomore communication studies major Caleb Otte and his girlfriend, sophomore accounting major Sara Talmaci, are an example of the type of couple Hughes is talking about. But it’s safe to say that they met in a way more fitting to this generation. Being from West Virginia, Otte wanted to get to know more people at Chapman before making the move out to California. So, he started adding people from the class of 2027 Snapchat story.
“On a whim one day I started chatting to Sara,” he said. “I asked for her phone number and we texted and FaceTime called throughout the summer before we actually met each other.”
Their online friendship blossomed into something more once they got to campus and met in person for the first time.
Now, they’ve been dating for over a year and are going strong. Let their story show for the record — while our generation is mocked for our attachment to our devices, a simple friend request can turn into a real-life partnership.
That’s not to say that romance has gone completely digital. People are still meeting in the same ways they used to — at parties, through mutual friends.
And that’s exactly how senior broadcast journalism and documentary major Ashley Kuckler met her current girlfriend, senior communication studies major Jule Donovan.
“The first time we ever met, we were at a mutual friend’s birthday party,” said Donovan.
Kuckler thought it would be a good idea to grab a pomegranate off a tree in the backyard and give it to Donovan as a way of “shooting her shot,” as she said.
“She rips open this pomegranate and comes over to me and says ‘do you want the other half of my pomegranate?’” said Donovan. “And I looked her up and down and said ‘no.’”
Unfortunately for Kuckler, Donovan doesn’t like pomegranates. Their budding relationship suddenly stopped growing. It wilted away for four months before the pair reconnected.
Kuckler wasn’t letting her chance at love get away too quickly. She set up a plan with some other mutual friends, but she was too shy to talk to Donovan. The next morning, she worked up the courage to text her crush and ask her out.
“We went and got lunch the next day at Urth, and we talked for three hours,” said Kuckler. “We’ve been hanging out ever since.”
But love doesn’t grow on pomegranate trees.
Junior psychology major Caroline Kjeldgaard hasn’t had much luck dating at Chapman. But it’s not like she’s been out there with a big sign saying “date me!” She’d much rather walk out of college with a degree than a significant other.
“I haven’t had much — or any — experience with romantic relationships at Chapman so far, but that’s not really Chapman’s fault,” said Kjeldgaard. “My major and my minor are very female-dominated, so I’d have to go out and find places to meet guys, and that just hasn’t been my priority.”
It’s not the school’s fault that she hasn’t found “the one” yet. But like other students, the Hollywood fantasy — and the examples set forth from our parents — don’t really translate into reality.
“I thought Chapman would be a good place to meet a significant other. I really just thought that’s what happened at college,” said Kjeldgaard.
It’s like some people are getting rides to the ball, while others are stuck with a pumpkin and bad date stories instead of their carriage and fairy godmother.
Junior psychology major Bella Graham had the rare exception: an ex-relationship that is now a friend and roommate.
Graham met her girlfriend through shared classes and mutual friends. Their relationship started out as a friendship, and the two ended on good terms, which is why Graham thinks they are still able to be so friendly.
“I had a really good experience dating at Chapman,” said Graham. “We were friends before we started dating, and are friends again.”
She pointed out that not everyone is so lucky. With a campus that has only a few main hubs and around 10,000 students — though sometimes it feels more like 10 — you’re bound to run into someone you know everywhere you go, wanted or not.
“I really like dating at Chapman. It’s a smaller school, it’s more intimate,” said Graham. “It can make it awkward if things end poorly because the likelihood of you seeing that person again is probably higher than at another school, but I definitely had a good experience.”
I asked the happy couples for some advice to students who feel stuck in the friend zone, the single zone or the dreaded ‘it’s-complicated’ danger zone.
Both Kuckler and Donovan think that relationships are more common in upperclassmen, as people are more ready to settle down and start their lives post-college.
“I think you just mature, and you realize your goals, your values and your boundaries with people,” said Kuckler. “I think the older you get in college, the more you mature and realize what you’re looking for in a romantic partner.”
Kuckler’s advice was simple and timeless — be yourself and your people will follow.
“Stick to your values, stick to your morals and don’t change yourself for anyone,” said Kuckler. “Even with friendships, the right person, the right partner will find you. If you’re trying to be someone else and you’re trying to conform to what other people want you to be, you’ll never find a long-term partner or even friend.”
Donovan directed her advice to queer students, saying that it’s a much tougher environment for dating.
“I think that queer people exist all around, and just because there aren’t a lot of stereotypical queer people around you, it doesn’t mean it’ll be impossible for you to find a partner,” said Donovan.
A significant other can be found anywhere, even when you least expect it. Hughes’ advice is to not lose hope.
“I know a lot of people say that Chapman isn’t a good place to find a significant other,” said Hughes. “It’s never worth it to count it out and feel like you’re not going to find the right person, because you could find the right person anywhere and everywhere, and for me, it happened to be at Chapman.”
Otte thinks you need to be open-minded and leave expectations at home when dating at Chapman. He said he didn’t expect his own love story, but it came naturally after he and his girlfriend had established a strong foundation.
“Keep an open mind, be down to meet new people,” said Otte. “If you’re open to meeting new people and having these new experiences, it opens you up to having a better chance to grow a relationship.”
The trick, according to Otte: take the pressure off and try to form friendships.
“There’s a lot of people who are in relationships, but there’s a lot of people who aren’t,” said Otte. “Don’t force yourself into anything. Become friends with people, and if it grows into something deeper, that’s great.”
At the end of the day, while college students love to compare themselves to other people, the end's not near and hope is not lost. Chapman love stories are happening all over Orange, from the pomegranate tree in someone’s backyard to the quick-add function on Snapchat.
Romance isn’t dead; meeting people in person isn’t a thing of the past; and as Hugh Grant said, “if you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
