Consent, pleasure, empowerment discussed at One Big Sex Night

Students actively participate in a conversation about consent led by Amanda Harris, a representative from The Pleasure Chest, during One Big Sex Night April 14 in Argyros Forum. Topics included what “no,” “yes” and “maybe” really mean and how to handle unwanted sexual advances from others. Photo by Madeleine Caraluzzi.

Multicolored penis-shaped lollipops, pins bearing suggestive slogans like “Spank me very much” and sex toys of all shapes, sizes and colors littered the tables at the University Program Board’s One Big Sex Night April 14.

Representatives from a boutique adult entertainment shop called The Pleasure Chest led workshops on consent, sex positivity, queering your sex, virginity 101 and everything in between.

Thip Nopharatana, a representative from the company, kicked the night off by relating sexual empowerment and positivity to the feminist movement.

“For me, feminism and sex positivity go hand in hand,” Nopharatana said.

Nopharatana gave an introduction to the workshops by talking about the negative connotations of sexual activity in modern-day society and giving listeners tools to combat negative or stunted thinking toward sex.

“Everyone has different preferences, and just because it’s not your thing, it’s a teachable moment,” Nopharatana said. “If you’re not into it, don’t make other people feel bad. After tonight, you’re going to learn how to be sex-positive warriors.”

Buttons with sex positive messages were on display and available for attendees to take home during One Big Sex Night April 14. Photo by Madeleine Caraluzzi.

Nopharatana also led the evening in what she called a “pleasure-based” approach to sexual education, in contrast to high school sex education’s abstinence-only approach.

“It’s all these reasons why not to have sex,” Nopharatana said. “It’s like, ‘Oh, you’re going to get pregnant, you’re going to die, you’re going to get diseases.’ It’s important to acknowledge the pleasure-based functions of our anatomy.”

Nopharatana and Amanda Harris, another representative from The Pleasure Chest, led a fun and interactive discussion prior to the workshops that included large, detailed posters of the female and male anatomy and a large variety of sex toys of all shapes and sizes. Encouraging the audience to participate, Nopharatana and Harris rewarded brave “sex warriors” with sugar-free flavored lubricant, condoms or miniature vibrators if they answered or asked a question.

After an exciting introduction, Nopharatana and Harris split the audience into two groups to attend workshops of their choice.

Harris led a workshop on the importance and definition of consent. It’s important to only reach out to people you are comfortable with and already know in an intimate manner if you plan on having sexual intercourse while inebriated, Harris said.

“It really comes down to respecting your own boundaries, and setting them before you go from there,” Harris said. “And sometimes you’re like, ‘I’m not going to text him, I’m not going to text him,’ and one more whiskey and you’re texting him. That happens. If it’s something that’s consensual, and you’re happy with it and it’s safe, that’s OK.”

Harris also discussed how consent relates to sexting, which is the sending and/or receiving of nude or partially nude pictures via text message, Instagram direct messaging or Snapchat.

“It’s important to know how those images are going to affect your dynamic with that person and your future,” Harris said.

Condoms and phallic-shaped lollipops were offered to attendees at One Big Sex Night. Photo by Madeleine Caraluzzi.

Harris also elaborated on the language of consensual sex.

“Yes means yes, no means no and maybe means no,” Harris said. “I think that ‘yes’ is the only true form of consent. Not saying ‘no’ is not consent.”

In another workshop, Nopharatana discussed the importance of destigmatizing the act of sex and making it an experience with positive associations.

“Things are changing – things are different now,” Nopharatana said. “We’re in a space where we can be here and talk about sexuality.”

While the workshop was certainly not censored or delicate, Harris and Nopharatana went out of their way to make attendees feel comfortable and calm with the idea of discussing sex.

“I learn (people’s) language and mirror it,” Harris told The Panther about her ability to make attendees feel at ease. “I tend to be kind of abrasive in my own life and use very graphic terms, but I let the other person explain how they want to talk about it.”

Students, though shy at first, opened up during the workshop and discussed a wide variety of issues ranging from childhood stigmas toward sex to the protectionist attitude taken toward women in relationships in modern society.