Students overcome dating violence and abuse from partners

Women between 18 and 24 years old are at the greatest risk for dating violence, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Photo illustration by Caroline Roffe

The following content of The Panther contains subject matter and graphic descriptions having to do with allegations of sexual assault and dating violence.

None of these reports of dating violence took place on campus, so they were not included in the Annual Security and Fire Safety Report under the Jeanne Clery Act.

In May 2015, Christopher Distler found himself in the emergency room wearing nothing but a pair of briefs and a blood-soaked T-shirt. Doctors and nurses worked together to remove shards of lamp that had been thrown at Distler by his romantic partner of 10 months at the time.

Distler, a freshman communication studies major, drove himself to the emergency room after a disagreement over Easter plans that Distler said escalated too quickly and got out of his control. Law enforcement officials questioned his role as a victim in the situation.

“I was questioned by police officers if I was a prostitute,” Distler said. “That was just the striking moment where I was just like, ‘(My partner) is awful to me.’”

In compliance with the Jeanne Clery Act, Public Safety released the 2015 Security and Fire Safety report Sept. 30. This year, the number of dating violence cases remained the same at one case for both 2014 and 2015, while domestic abuse cases rose from one case in 2014 to two in 2015.

According to the Chapman Code of Conduct, dating violence is committed by a person involved in a romantic relationship with the complainant, while domestic violence is in regards to a current or former marriage, two people who live together or people who share a child.

Rape Crisis Counselor Dani Smith said that 57 percent of students do not know how to identify dating violence.

“There is a large number of college students who have stated that they don’t know how to identify dating violence. And it’s like, ‘Wow, what does that say about our culture?’” Smith said. “And I think to combat it – I think we need to learn what is healthy first, how to be in a healthy relationship. I think we need to understand our own boundaries, our own rights and those of others.”

Although anyone can be a victim of intimate partner violence, statistics gathered by the United States Department of Justice put women between 18 to 24 years old at the greatest risk for intimate partner violence. Dating violence affects anywhere from 10 percent to 50 percent of all college students, according to the statistics.

Two weeks after Distler’s incident in the emergency room, he reached out to his therapist to work through his emotions. Distler said that this moment motivated him to find a way out of the relationship. He cut off all contact with his partner in order to remove himself, didn’t take any phone calls or texts and avoided him at all costs.

“Yes, I knew that it was awful, but it took hearing someone else to really understand (that) this is not how anybody should be treated,” Distler said.

Oftentimes college students aren’t aware that they’re involved with an abusive partner. Abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional, economic or any combination of the four, according to Smith.
Nathalie Larrea, a sophomore communication studies major, said that she didn’t realize the severity of her abusive three-year relationship until after it ended. She felt obligated to stay in the relationship because of the close bond she shared with her partner, whom she grew up with in Peru.

“We got so used to each other, and I didn’t understand if you are the person claiming to love me the most, why you would want to hurt me,” Larrea said.

Larrea tried to leave the relationship multiple times but her partner wouldn’t allow it, forcing the situation by showing up where she lived.

“He would refuse and still come over to my house,” Larrea said.

Smith said that situations in which people don’t recognize they are being abused can keep them from reaching out for help – such as calling the police – and if they do get help, they are likely to drop the charges or change their minds. The best option in these situations is to listen to the individual and offer appropriate resources, Smith said.

“Let the person talk. Don’t put demands on them. Don’t put conditions on your help,” Smith said. “You just need to really be there. Let them know the resources, and then it really is up to them.”

Julia Ross, a sophomore strategic and corporate communication major, wanted to leave her relationship with her partner at the time, but he tried to blackmail her. Ross’ partner coerced her into sending nude photos by threatening to tell her Christian high school that she had done so anyway.

“I’m a strategic person,” Ross said. “I’ll take a certain amount of personal hurt if it means I’ll be safe in the long run.”

Ross said it wasn’t until she reached out to her mother and found it in herself to break it off that the relationship finally ended for good.

“My mom was the one who really helped me – I have relationships with teachers and with friends,” Ross said. “If he does what he said he was going to do (blackmail), I’m not going to be the bad guy.”

Proactive Education Encouraging Responsibility (P.E.E.R.) partnered with Creating a Rape-free Environment for Students (C.A.R.E.S.) to table on the first floor of Beckman to promote intimate partner violence prevention. The event started Oct. 3 and continues through this week.

Resources provided include a list of how to identify intimate partner violence and other various flyers and handouts.