It was 9:01 a.m. and I had just clicked onto my first Zoom class for the day. I had only woken up six minutes earlier, still yawning and rubbing my eyes awake when I heard that horrible Outlook ding.

I physically cannot ignore emails, so I quickly opened it, my eyes widening to the words: “Congratulations! We are happy to inform you that you have been selected as a Resident Advisor (RA) for the 2021-2022 academic year!” 

I was overjoyed to say the least, but I forced myself to contain the emotion so my class wouldn’t see me freak out for no apparent reason. But I was screaming on the inside.

A quick text sent to my parents only expressed a fraction of my excitement.

After a long application and a nerve-wracking interview process, I can’t wait to plan programs and be a resource to help new students transition into college life as an RA in the fall. (The free housing doesn’t hurt either.)

Last semester, I struggled with transitioning from high school to college, and COVID-19 did not help. My RA made this process much smoother, and I’m so grateful for the support she extended to me. I’m excited to be that same helping hand for other students as they move into Chapman University housing for the first time and try to figure everything out.

However, at this point, I’m not entirely sure I’m going to be able to accomplish that goal.

I’ve had one in-person class my entire freshman year, and for a majority of the year I barely even felt like I belonged. I have no idea what building I’m going to be placed at in the fall, but regardless, I’ve only ever lived at Chapman Grand. I’ve never even set foot in any of the other dorms or residence halls.

As my freshman year wraps up, so many questions circle my brain as I prepare to take on this new role. Am I really ready to help the incoming freshman class? After a year when I barely felt like a student, can I truly help others find their way?

I’m not even entirely sure myself, but the people that hired me must have thought I was. Maybe I tricked them into thinking I was good enough, but realistically, I know I’m not alone in overthinking and doubting myself.

The entire freshman class has had a difficult time, and I know that every other new RA probably feels the exact same way as me. I’m sure that RA training in August will be incredibly helpful and take a huge chunk of the stress away, but I’m still nervous about the unknown possibilities of my position next year.

I just need to try my best to help out the students wherever I’m placed. The past few semesters have been unlike anything we’ve ever experienced in our academic lives. The students, faculty and administration all know that. Moving forward, we can only persevere as we try to figure out the weirdest year of our lives and the unknown consequences that will surely follow.