Opinion | ‘Indian Matchmaking’ exposes realities of arranged marriage
Mitali Shukla, Features Editor
Marriage began as an institution of merging property rights and increasing the family labor force. And to Indians, arranged marriages were just marriages up until only a few decades ago. The idea of a love marriage – a marriage driven solely by the couple – is a fairly recent phenomenon. My parents had an arranged marriage in the late 1990s prior to immigrating to the United States a year after. While some of my Indian friends’ parents had love marriages, plenty of them had arranged marriages too. My stance on arranged marriages has always been constant: it works for some, but not for others.
Western folk tend to think that cultures that pursue arranged marriages are either hyper-traditional or pose human rights violations. In reality, arranged marriages can be likened to being set up with a family-friend or, say, a matchmaker.
As soon as “Indian Matchmaking” was released on Netflix July 16, I remember it catching my eye in the “Trending Now” section of the streaming platform. Upon viewing the trailer with my family, we immediately dove into watching the nine episode-long first season. What we all seemed to agree on, it turned out, was that most if not all the characters were getting married for the wrong reasons.
Indian weddings are known for being glamorous and loud – oh, and the union of a man and woman. According to the New York Times, the Indian marriage industrial complex is said to be worth $50 billion. To conjure these matrimonies, in comes Sima Taparia from Mumbai: India’s top matchmaker who helps clients in both the United States and America.
Her clientele not only includes brides and grooms, but their families as well. Many couples have their first meeting with their immediate family in tow. During the matchmaking process, Taparia rakes through biodatas – which are similar to resumes and descriptions of the clients – and hopes to successfully pair couples based on compatibility and astrology. She consults a face reader in India for the purpose of validating potential matches. All the reader has to do is look at a picture of an individual’s face and he can immediately start naming characteristics of said individual, in addition to determining an eligible match for the partner Taparia chooses.
India’s emphasis on their archaic caste system and religious affiliation makes it harder for certain demographics to have relationships with others outside of their bubble. Sikhs want to marry other Sikhs, Brahmins want to marry other Brahmins; but this is all to maintain a seamless transition into one, big Indian family. Inter-caste or interreligious relationships are frowned upon because of the added difficulties they have to face.
My parents, for example, met through a family friend who wanted to play matchmaker: my parents were both in the Brahmin caste and both had college degrees. The two sides of the family met briefly before my dad went back to work in America for six months before he decided he was ready to marry my mom. And the rest is history.
For many first-generation Americans, dating within your culture versus outside your ethnic community has become less taboo over time. It seems like the general consensus is that as long as the other partner has appreciation and respect for your culture, it can go a long way.
I imagine the show is the first time many Western viewers have seen South Asians dating one another, since most Indian representation in television and film that comes to my mind – “Master of None,” “The Mindy Project,” “Never Have I Ever” and “The Big Sick” – usually has Indian protagonists dating white people.
As it turns out, none of the couples on Netflix’s first season of “Indian Matchmaking” are still together. Marriage is a calculated risk. I can’t say love marriages or arranged marriages have a higher success rate because marriage itself does not have a high success rate – about 40 to 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce.
I can’t say if you should try matchmaking. What I can say, however, is that matchmaking is an option – just like dating apps, speed dating and meeting someone organically. I do think life has a funny way of taking what we think we know and turning it on its head. We make plans and the universe laughs.