When Harry Styles was featured on the cover of “Vogue” wearing a dress, he was praised for defying gender norms and fighting against toxic masculinity. He also received backlash for his choice because of its potentially negative implications for society. Although his decision was viewed as inspiring to some and an "attack" on society to others, being considered “masculine” or “feminine” goes much deeper than clothing or personal expression. 

As we’ve seen throughout history, these definitions change all the time. After all, it was common for men to wear dresses or tunics in the 14th and 15th centuries – and still is today in many cultures – and it only became popular for women to wear pants in public within the last 150 years. What hasn’t changed, however, are the traits evolutionarily linked to biological sex. While not every person fits exactly within these “rules,” society is trending toward one that urges men to abandon their responsibilities and the behaviors that contribute to healthy relationships.

Masculinity is typically associated with strength, power, assertiveness and competitiveness. Toxic masculinity, however, is commonly referred to as an exaggeration of these traits, resulting from the suppression of behaviors and emotions that are viewed as “feminine.” This unhealthy expression can lead to selfish power-seeking, overly aggressive behavior and in some cases, violence. The current solution to this issue is to abandon the original masculine traits altogether. Demonstrations of strength and power are discouraged because of their potential to harm others and should instead be replaced with sensitivity, submission and ultimately, weakness.

In 2016, 23% of American children lived in households with a single mother and no father. This number has increased drastically over the past few decades and continues to rise. Children who grow up without a father are more likely to do poorly in school, live in poverty, engage in drug and alcohol abuse, participate in risky sexual behaviors and have worse health overall. 

This shows that we need more authentic demonstrations of masculinity, not less. Children need healthy examples of strength, power, courage and protectiveness that they can model themselves after. Although these traits can be found in both men and women, the research shows that the long-lasting impact of having a father in the home (especially a healthy one) should not be taken for granted.

The way to reduce the harmful effects of “toxic masculinity” is not to get rid of evolutionarily masculine traits, but rather to encourage men to express themselves in a healthy way and hold them accountable when they don’t. Accountability does not come in the form of angry “#menaretrash” tweets. Not only does this reaction overgeneralize men into a harmful stereotype (something feminists rightfully hate when they experience it), but it gives them no reason to behave differently because they will be criticized either way. 

We need men in our world, in our lives and in our homes. Not just any men, but ones who are strong, caring and protective, who have been taught through the example of other mature men in their lives. Demonizing all men because of the poor choices of some does nothing to heal the hurt caused by weak men, and instead disincentivizes men from being good because they will be condemned no matter what they do.

Even though Harry Styles wearing a dress might have caused some waves, let’s not pretend that his fashion choices did anything substantive to combat “toxic masculinity.” Real change will come when we stop berating half the population for the actions of an unhealthy minority, and instead encourage men to healthily express their care and compassion, as well as their strength and power.