Opinion | My experience of racism against Asians during COVID-19

Jerry Zou, freshman theater performance major

My name is Jerry Zou (邹翊航), I am American Chinese, and I was born in Beijing, China on Dec. 29, 2002. But I am also from Cleveland, Ohio, because my parents became American citizens before I was born, so they had to choose whether I am Chinese or American because China does not allow dual citizenship. They chose American. Even though I grew up in China, I was taught to be American my whole life. This means I am very stuck between the American and Chinese cultures. Being in that position definitely affects how I view the pandemic differently than both American and Chinese people.

As the coronavirus pandemic grew stronger in the U.S., it is indisputable that Asians across the country have faced a new wave of racism. Before I talk about my racism experience, here is some context: Before this event took place during May, I had not yet left my house since spring break because I was self-quarantining and the only way I survived was through grocery delivery. But, on that day, I ran out of water and delivery was not available at the time. Then I thought, “Shoot, I need to go buy water. Well, I have not left my house yet, so I should go out anyways.” 

I arrived at 7-Eleven, picked up my water, and waited in line. The person in front of me was taking forever because he was buying upward of 50 items. When it was my turn, the cashier ignored me and insisted the next person to cut in front of me. I asked why he was ignoring me and he pointed me to the “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone” sign.

I put the water back and went home. It was a lot to take in, especially considering that was my first time leaving my house since spring break. I realized that when I asked the cashier why he ignored me, especially after seeing how he was willing to deal with that other person, I knew the answer already. I knew because I got the same feelings the moment I stepped out of my apartment complex gates, from the very first eye contact I made with a person. That expression of panic and fear and that desire to separate and escape is unforgettable because it continued from one person to the next whenever someone saw me on the street. 

But I asked the cashier, even though I knew it was racism, because I did not want to see myself differently than anyone else. I resisted the urge to burst out and call out the racist for who he was. In times like these, keeping myself calm and collected to reduce violence is my priority. I do not have the virus. I am just trying to live through this tough time, like everyone else. 

After sharing that story with some of my Chinese friends, they were quick to judge the American community negatively. I said I believe the cashier’s behaviors were merely reflections of his character and not America as a whole. I still believe in the good of America and I always will. I firmly believe there is a reason I was chosen to live, be inspired and reflect on this rough time here in America and not in China – just like how I am always meant to be American and not Chinese.

Also, if a story about being unable to purchase water can be thought-provoking, try imagining what is going inside the minds of BIPOC individuals who suffer from actual violence and blatant hatred.