I have a weird fascination for the macabre. I’ve always been fascinated by occult rituals, the idea of spirits and, of course, death. There’s something about it that always drew me in. 

Personally that translated into a fascination for Halloween and, of course, the Day of the Dead. They both talk of spirits crossing over and walking the land of the living for a night, and both cultures have different rituals and traditions that speak of how to treat the spirits in their short time on earth. 

Now, my mom never truly understood my fascination with Halloween. I think for her, Halloween seems a lot grimmer than Day of the Dead. And I can see where she’s coming from: while Halloween decorations tend to be darker and centered around skulls and blood and an overall scare factor, Day of the Dead has a lot of light and colors involved. So while she and I always disagreed on Halloween, following Day of the Dead traditions was always something we bonded over. 

When I still lived at home, we had our yearly day trip to go to the market in Coyoacán, Mexico to get all of our Day of the Dead decorations: sugar skulls, papel picado, paper mache figures and marigold flowers. We spent most of our day looking through all the different decorations and selecting our favorite ones. 

Once we got home, we got working on setting up our ofrenda (offering). We used boxes and tables as our base and then put a tablecloth over it, and that is where the fun started. We tried out different ways of arranging our decorations until we were both happy with the look, and then we always made sure to include some board games.

On the actual Day of the Dead, we put out the food for our family. We always included the traditional pan de muerto (bread of the dead) and a glass of tequila for my grandfather, but the rest of the plates changed depending on the year and that night before bed we lit up the candles on the ofrenda. 

My mom and I both found common ground in the traditions of Day of the Dead. We both always appreciated the celebration of life that it brings and the remembering of those who we’ve left behind. 

That’s probably why that’s been one of the things I miss most about being away from home. Day of the Dead traditions were always something I shared with my mom, and the first two years I was at Chapman, I wasn’t really able to celebrate in the same way. 

This was the first year I was actually able to set up my own ofrenda in my house. And for the first time since I left home, it felt a little bit like that bonding I have with my mom. Granted, the way we do things is now different, but it feels like our Day of the Dead teamwork is still alive, just adjusted to our new situations. 

At the beginning of October, my mom and I jumped on a call to talk about what decorations she was going to send me. We brainstormed what I needed to assemble my own ofrenda so she could go buy it in Coyoacán and send it to me. So, my mom went to buy some decorations for me and shipped them to my house. Once I got the package, I was able to set up my ofrenda, and once we both had our own set ups, we sent pictures to our family group chat to compare them. 

The tradition was definitely different than usual, but it was nice to discover that it’s not totally gone. My Day of the Dead bonding with my mom is still alive, and I will always treasure it.