Poetry | A collection on human emotion
Micaela Bastianelli, Features Editor
These five poems were written over a span of a few years, encapsulating every deep, dark and vulnerable emotion I was experiencing with the sudden death of my father. I hope you enjoy reading this collection portraying the vulnerable, unpleasant side of human emotion.
My First Heartbreak
My first heartbreak
I was only six.
A young, vibrant girl
With a bold attitude
And a huge smile to match
But it faded.
Laid in a bed of roses
My father sleeps
And I’m stuck
In this unforgiving dream
Where all I do is weep.
For years, I felt that I was slowly sinking
Drowning deeper
In the river of my own tears
A river that grew to an ocean
Overflowing
Overwhelmed.
As time passed
My ocean dried out.
Now a woman, my heart is numb.
I don’t cry over men
I am too drained for that.
The only man I wept for
My father
Because no heartbreak
Could ever compare.
Way Down in the Sea of Trees
(inspired by Jhene Aiko’s “Jukai”)
I made my way down to the forest
might’ve had a mushroom or two
Daddy always said to
stay away from drugs
but the drugs give me courage
and courage is all I need
to free myself in this sea of trees
if I died, would it make a sound in this sea of trees?
would they remember me?
maybe I am already dead to many
for I rarely smile at all anymore
and every laugh turns to a sea of tears
maybe my absence will be freeing
to be free …
that is all I want to be
I want to free my mind
of the sea
of nagging memories
my Father left behind
why did You have to die?
and God, why couldn’t You take me too?
will this noose help me find my peace?
I know my way out is up in the tree ...
I feel my mushrooms kicking in
Daddy, I hear your whispers in the leaves
“you cannot die until you get it right”
that’s what You told me
You got it right, You left me here
I envy You, I envy the dead
but I guess my time isn’t here
my feet were kept planted on the ground
and my noose undone
I listened to your signs
and walked out alive
I Miss the Me I Used to Be
I miss the me I used to be
so wild and free
free from fear
and all things dimming
the light within me
but I can’t go back
the light is out
I can’t find my way back
or out
or in
or around
or between
can’t figure out
where I’m supposed to be
or where I am now
but no one can save me
but me
Free Me
this unrelenting universe
this inescapable prison
that envelopes you
in its invisible walls
your escape
becomes coping
through the world
that is you
and the wonderland of your mind
that buries it all
Please, Free Me
I feel anxious
paralysis overtaking
body visibly shaking
but I can’t feel it
and my mind is blank
there’s no more space
or trace
of thought
or emotion
I'm in a race
a race to escape
from the reality
that is the world
outside of myself
I don’t like the world
outside of myself
nor the one within me
free me
free me from me
and all that isn’t