What the hell is happening. 

Every morning, I shout into the void, because when I open my eyes and immediately gaze into the addictive blue light emitting from my phone, some news headline contradicts the last and I can't keep up anymore. 

“Stay home, don’t leave your house!” “OK, now you can leave your house as long as it’s essential.” “You can go outside – no, never mind, our parks and beaches are closed.” “No large gatherings, except if you are the governor.” 

I’m tired and confused. 

I want this virus to go away as much as every person on this planet. I want for people to just stay at home and stop spreading this virus. But this new stay-at-home order, I fear, has lost all validity in the eyes of Californians. 

I don’t agree with people going at Gov. Gavin Newsom’s throat for going to a restaurant,  because let’s face it, I’m sure most of the people yelling at him have themselves been eating at restaurants this whole year. But come on, man. You are the figure-head of our state; you can’t just go breaking rules you told other people to follow. People make mistakes, but this one was unfortunate. 

It’s like an adult telling a kid they can’t have a piece of cake, but then they go and have a slice themselves, hoping the little kid doesn’t spot them in the act. 

The California Department of Public Health issued yet another stay-at-home order that went into effect Dec. 5. The mandate was prompted by a fear that intensive care unit (ICU) capacity will be overtaken by escalating demand; thus, if a California region falls below 15% of ICU capacity, the order will go into effect for at least three weeks. 

According to their projections, the ICU capacity will be full by the middle of December. This is really bad. 

It’s bad not only for COVID-19-related reasons – as Californians with the virus in critical condition will have a more difficult time finding the care they need – but that other reasons for needing ICU care haven’t disappeared just because we are in the middle of a pandemic. This ICU capacity puts all patients at risk, not just people with COVID-19 – and that’s really scary. 

I want to trust the authorities; I really do. But I am losing faith. There needs to be clearer and harsher restrictions than simply “to reduce congestion” capacity at stores by a few percentage points and moving restaurant eating to only delivery or take-out. 

I’ll be honest, I’ve stopped checking what the rules were. It’s difficult keeping up with the number of notifications and miniscule, weak alterations the government issues when I don’t leave my house anyway and I know what I need to do to be safe.

These back and forth orders just go to show that no one knows how to handle this situation. I just wish there had been one strict lockdown at the beginning of this nightmare, like there was in Spain and Wuhan, China, to drastically slow the spread from the beginning. But all these wishy-washy reactive procedures seem to be damage control rather than long-term solutions to this pandemic. We can’t just keep placing strict orders when numbers get worse and lift them once they’re ever-so-slightly better.

It’s up to the individuals to be smart about their decisions and sit out an activity they know won’t be safe – even if the government tells them everything is fine. 

If you have to question the safety of your actions, you probably shouldn’t do it.