It can be an amazing feeling to get a part-time job working in the film industry while still going to school — even if it’s not exactly in the realm of where you hope to be upon graduation. As someone with heavy student loan debt, any extra income to help pay bills is a welcome relief.

That was the case for me — until my boss turned out to be a dictator. At least I can quit once I find another job after graduation; it's nothing permanent.

Enter COVID-19. 

Suddenly the job I've grown to hate due to my boss’ attitude is the only thing allowing me to pay my bills during this time. Many others are being laid off, and even more of my fellow graduates are struggling to find work within an industry that has been forced to essentially halt. I feel grateful that I can still pay my bills ... mostly.

Then one day, my boss talked to me about a hot-button topic during the 2020 election cycle: student loan forgiveness. When I answered their question regarding how much in debt I am in, I did not realize the response I was going to receive would be audible laughter followed by:

“How do you expect to ever pay that off?”

This coming from the boss who barely pays me minimum wage, when anyone else with my job as a post-production coordinator is making much more than that. This coming from the boss who calls me the morning of work and lets me know that I won’t be needed today and therefore won’t be paid, and then does it again the next day and the next. This coming from the boss who makes each and every one of the office employees question whether they can breathe properly or take their shoes off correctly, because anything at all can set the boss off on a tangent that will be brought up for weeks to come. This coming from the same boss who applied for unemployment while the rest of the employees did not. (Someone please explain that one to me, because I still cannot fathom it.)

What am I to do? Quit and be more broke than I already am and attempt to figure out the mess that is applying for unemployment? Unfortunately not.

So I’ll do what I have been doing since the beginning of the good old pandemic. I’ll apply to as many jobs as I can possibly qualify for. I’ll attempt to sign up to be a DoorDasher, UberEats driver or InstaCart shopper only to be told they are no longer accepting drivers in the area due to supply and demand (but better luck in a few months). I thought about getting a part-time job, but realized that because my boss likes to tell me at the last minute I don’t need to work or to only work for an hour or two a day, it would be a little difficult to work within a set schedule. I even interviewed for a position at an adult entertainment company out of desperation — behind the camera, of course (but then again, no judgement either way). 

At the end of the day, I just have to keep working for the dictator, because in times like these, I just really need the job. Even though my paycheck only covers a fraction of my rent; even though I feel like screaming in exasperation.

One day, I will be able to send her that lovely email that has been sitting in my drafts folder with the subject line, “Two Weeks’ Notice.” But today is not that day. Bills have to be paid.