Bonding 101: traditions that make roommates feel like family

From left to right: Dara Baren, Rachel Trotter, Maddie Mullany and Lily McNamara partake in their tradition of watching the sunset every night on the top of Chapman Grand Apartments. Photo courtesy of Lily McNamara

To most, Monday may feel like the most unappealing day of the week: loads of homework, a state of melancholy from the weekend and a reset to the Friday afternoon countdown. But for junior screenwriting major Tosca Johnson and her roommate, Monday is the best — and most drool-worthy — day of the week. 

Many Chapman students told The Panther they establish traditions with their roomies to strengthen their bond and make their living situation feel more like home. In Johnson’s case, vegan cinnamon rolls and blueberry cake donuts are the foundation to a successful and meaningful roommate relationship.

After finishing their classes for the day around 10 p.m, Johnson and her roommate carpool to Friendly Doughnuts on East Chapman Avenue, where Johnson's vegan needs are met with decadent and sprinkle-friendly confections. 

"It's kind of been a tradition since we started (living together last semester) to have classes that were at the same time, so we'll carpool to class and then go get doughnuts afterward," Johnson said. "It's a great Monday night treat and (starts) the week on the right note."

Johnson also told The Panther the roommate duo spends Wednesday nights binging Marvel movies and cooking vegan meals together. Whether it be vegetable skewers or potato taquitos, Johnson said making a meal together — no matter how perfect Gordon Ramsey would score it — enhances a roommate relationship. 

Roommates Tosca Johnson and Taylor Bazella enjoy decadent doughnuts from Friendly Donuts every Monday night. Photo courtesy of Tosca Johnson

"Even if it's something super simple, like making Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, make a meal with your roommate,” Johnson said. “Then share it together and watch a movie or TV show or just talk. Because I think bonding over food, as cliché as it sounds, is really special." 

Similarly, junior strategic and corporate communication major Lily McNamara said the tradition that keeps her and her three roommates close is watching the sunset every day on the rooftop of Chapman Grand Apartments. 

"I know there are other people at Chapman Grand that do watch the sunset," McNamara said. "(My roommates and I are) definitely the most dedicated though. It's one time you get to not think about anything; watching the sunset (is) our time to stop with our studies, (not) be on our phones and just ask how we're all doing."

Although watching television may seem like a common activity for roommates to connect and relax, McNarmara and her roommates use the show "Sex and the City" as an energizing preamble to a night out in Orange.

"'Sex and the City' became a tradition for us to watch before having a fun night," McNamara said. "The first time we ever had people over at our apartment — and I didn't even know some of the people coming — we watched 'Sex and the City,' we drank cosmos, and then honestly, the party was irrelevant at that point. I just had fun bonding with my roommates."

Jena Mukai, a sophomore communication studies major, said she grabs popsicles with her roommate at Doy’s Place — the mini mart next to the Randall Dining Commons. Mukai said the post- Wednesday night class tradition helps to bring the two of them closer that much more — beyond just living in close quarters.

"Even though we are in such close proximity, either we're both on our phones and we'll show each other something or we pass each other in the kitchen," Mukai said. "But (grabbing popsicles) is a time we just get to hang out and talk and be fully together."

Due to the pandemic taking away potential memory-making opportunities, McNamara said these traditions allowed for her roommates to bond quicker and become each other’s future bridesmaids within the span of a couple months. 

"I feel like our traditions have made (our apartment) feel more like a home," McNamara said. "We were really dedicated to trying to build a connection, especially with COVID-19. We are really trying to value all the time we have left, especially as juniors, and we've had so much time of our college experience taken from us. But we just had to make the most of it."

Despite Chapman facilitating countless opportunities to meet people outside of a household, Johnson said it's still important to develop a strong connection with the person you come home to each and every day.

"At the end of the day, we come home to each other, and we live in the same space," Johnson said. "We can't really get away from each other. So of course, we want to have our outside lives and do things, go to school (and) hang out with other people. But it's nice to have those traditions and that person that you're going to do something consistently with." 

No matter the extravagance of the tradition, McNamara said allocating consistent time with roommates can be an outlet to establish a close-knit friendship — instead of them just being the people you share a mini fridge or bathroom with. 

"Give your roommate five minutes to share something and just talk," McNamara said. "My best piece of advice to someone is to give (your roommates) a chance. I already made opinions in my mind where I was like, 'Oh, they'll probably think I'm weird about this or they won't like this about me,' but I think (it's important to) just give people a chance to open up."