Virtual memorial service to commemorate lives lost during pandemic
Chapman’s Fish Interfaith Center will host a community memorial service to honor those who died during the pandemic and to bring closure to those who were restricted in their grief. DANIEL PEARSON, Staff Photographer
Nancy Brink, Chapman University’s director of Church Relations, lost her 94-year-old father in February 2020, a month before the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a global pandemic.
Though she expressed gratitude for the opportunity to be by her father’s side in his final days, Brink acknowledged others were unable to receive that same closure with social distancing and travel restrictions.
“The profound emotional impact (of not seeing loved ones before their death) is very, very real,” Brink said. “I know of several people for whom that's been just one of the deepest parts of their grief — that they couldn't be there to hold their family members' hands.”
The grieving process is complicated and uniquely individualistic, though funerals and memorial services have been part of cultural and religious traditions for centuries. However, since the start of the pandemic, many people have not been able to host those traditional events, prolonging the grieving process for millions.
Fish Interfaith Center staff will host a Chapman Community Memorial Service April 26 at 4 p.m. for students, faculty and staff to virtually gather together and honor the collective loss many have experienced.
The event will open with a welcome from Gail Stearns, Dean of the Wallace All Faiths Chapel, followed by a candle lighting ceremony performed by Reverend Cisa Payuyo, associate director of Church Relations. There will be a section during the event where guests are encouraged to write the name of and relation to their loved one in the Zoom chat, and it will be read aloud by a moderator.
“It's really hard to lose somebody you love,” Brink said. “This memorial service is really to recognize that those of us that faced death didn't have the same kind of community support that we would normally have.”
“It’s really hard to lose somebody you love. This memorial service is really to recognize that those of us that faced death didn’t have the same kind of community support that we would normally have.”
Lucy Moore, a junior theater studies major, lost her 84-year-old grandfather April 19. Moore’s grandfather lived on the East Coast, so traveling to see him when he fell ill with cancer and heart failure during the pandemic was nearly impossible for her family. Moore hadn’t seen her grandfather in over a year.
“There's never a right way to grieve, but when you feel like you have limited options and can’t do what you think is right, it makes it harder,” Moore said.
As Moore shared fond, loving anecdotes of her grandfather with The Panther, she reflected on the catharsis of recalling loved ones even after their passing. She remembers visiting her grandfather in his Connecticut home, how he made a subtle cameo in the movie “Jaws” and how the two had identically colored hair
“My mom tells me that the first thing (my grandfather did) when she called him to say that I had his hair was cry, but he also said, ‘She’ll be no stranger to the eyebrow pencil,’” Moore said, laughing. “It’s hilarious that's the first thing he thought of when I was born.”
Although Moore can’t be in attendance for a small family memorial gathering planned for her grandfather, she finds comfort in the fact that her mother will be there and that his ashes will be spread from a harbor on Martha’s Vineyard — a Massachusetts island where he made many of his fondest sailing memories.
Another poll respondent, Caleb Levine, a senior screenwriting major at Chapman, lost his grandfather in June 2020. Levine described his grandfather as his paternal figure and hero, who taught him how to swim and inspired his love for movies.
“Waking up early and watching movies on cable with him is how I got into movies,” Levine said. “He was one of those classic people who liked interacting with any random person, like a waiter or person on the street. He’d always try to crack jokes; I definitely get that from him.”
The grieving process of losing his grandfather was heightened due to added anxiety and stress from the pandemic, Levine said. Not being able to visit a man he adored when he fell ill and not being able to have the comfort of physically being with family only grew Levine’s feeling of isolation.
Even so, whether it’s stories of matching hair or early-morning movies, the joyful memories of loved ones will live on in the hearts of the grieving.
“Grief is not all sad, is it? There is also a celebration of who this person has been and is,” Brink said. “But (grief) is something you want to do with other people, not just on your own.”